649 lines
28 KiB
TeX
649 lines
28 KiB
TeX
\hypertarget{chapter-18-cradle}{%
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\section{Chapter 18: Cradle}\label{chapter-18-cradle}}
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\begin{quote}
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\emph{``Seven battles I won on my feet, and lost the war sitting at a
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table.''}
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-- Periander Theodosian, Tyrant of Helike, after the founding of the
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League of Free Cities
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\end{quote}
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``Six hundred and thirty-two dead,'' Juniper said. ``Our edge has been
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scraped \emph{raw}, Catherine.''
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I was really beginning to regret that oath to Hakram, because a bottle
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of aragh right now would do wonders for my peace of mind. I'd guessed it
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was bad, when I'd taken a look from the sky, but I hadn't understood
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quite how bad it had really gotten. I leaned back into my seat and
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passed a hand through my mess of a hair.
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``You did better than I could have hoped,'' I admitted. ``Considering
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what the other side was fielding, it's a miracle it went this well.''
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Miracle was the wrong word, I decided a moment later. It was
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short-changing Juniper. While I'd been traipsing about the magical
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wonderland of Winter, the Hellhound had been dancing on the edge against
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an army about twice the size led by heroes. That she'd not just lasted
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the day but actually inflicted a defeat was a reminder that Juniper of
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the Red Shields did not need a Name to be one of the sharpest knives in
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my arsenal.
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``The casualties are trouble, but there's worse,'' the Hellhound
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grunted. ``We're near out of munitions, and without accord with the
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Tower the moment our stores run dry we lose one of our heaviest
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advantages.''
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``Goblinfire?'' I asked.
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``Enough for one last blaze, but not a large one,'' my Marshal replied.
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``We're entirely out of demolition charges. Sappers still have a decent
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stock of combat munitions, but you know how fast we go through those
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when they're properly used.''
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Even if I hadn't been taught the logistics of that at the College,
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Ratface's constant reminders that a protracted campaign would see us run
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dry halfway through would have served that purpose. Once again, Malicia
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managed to fucks us without ever needing to do anything but say no. The
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Snake Eater Tribe that had settled near Marchford had made it clear it
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could not produce munitions, which meant the vicious old crones in the
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Grey Eyries had a monopoly. It was illegal under Imperial law for anyone
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but the Tower to possess munitions, not that it would have stopped me if
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I had a solid way to get them into Callow. I didn't, and there were
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watchful eyes at the border just in case I felt like trying anyway.
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``I heard we took a hit on siege engines,'' I ventured.
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Which was a polite way to say that Pickler had spent exactly three
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heartbeats welcoming me back before beginning to rant about the Grey
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Pilgrim apparently wrecking her lovelies. I'd taken that to mean the
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repeating scorpions, and while I did not share the slightly unsettling
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affection my Senior Sapper had for her creations the loss of them was
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still a heavy blow. They were one of our major force equalizers.
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``Two repeating scorpions left, no Spitters,'' Juniper said. ``We've
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still got our full count of ballistas and trebuchets, but they've
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already proven they can make those irrelevant with their fences.''
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As our skirmishing contingent consisted of pretty much only the Watch,
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that left the mages lines as our only effective long-range option. Which
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wasn't saying much, considering they'd have to deal with both wizards
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and priests on the other side. They'd be spending most their time on
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defence and damage control, not going on the offensive.
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``Don't count on the mages,'' the Hellhound warned. ``We've been running
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them ragged for two days, fighting and healing. A lot of them are on the
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edge of burning out.''
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I sighed, fingers drumming against the arms of the chair.
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``You're telling me we can't have another battle,'' I said.
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``Not if you want to have a force capable of fighting afterwards,''
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Juniper bluntly said. ``Four to six months of recruiting and refit, and
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we'll be able to campaign again. Anything else is scrapping the host.''
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``Well,'' I said. ``That adds a certain spice to the negotiations,
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doesn't it?''
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The orc grunted in amusement, and I allowed myself a moment of envy as
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she drank a mouthful of wine. My own cup was, sadly, water. Which I
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didn't need anymore, or particularly enjoy.
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``Had a good look when we engaged this morning,'' Juniper said.
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``They're on their last rope too. Without their officers they've had to
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rely on fantassins for frontline command, and we bloodied those
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repeatedly. Levies got bled bad, and the principality troops were always
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few. Most of their soldiers are fantassins, now, and mercenaries won't
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be eager for another go.''
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``They've got heroes, Juniper,'' I reminded her. ``Morale's not ever
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going to be an issue for them.''
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``You say that, but we know for a fact they had runners after the first
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gate trick,'' the Hellhound said. ``Kegan's already caught a few up
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north, trying to flee back to the passage.''
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``The meat of them will stay,'' I said. ``Still, worth keeping in mind
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at least half their host is gone. Gods, fifty thousand. I still have a
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hard time believe we held against that.''
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``Wouldn't have, without the gate,'' the orc said. ``Though that wasn't
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without costs.''
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I couldn't call it luck, not with the amount of contingencies I'd had
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waiting, but I couldn't deny it'd turned into a gamble in the end. I'd
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been so sure that if we kept the positioning aligned for only a short
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while\ldots{} No point in whining. They had used their abilities, as I
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had mine. A mistake had been made, all I could do was learn from it.
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That particular tool wasn't going to be put away entirely, but the
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restrictions on where and how it could be used had to be adjusted.
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``It all rests on diplomacy, then,'' I said.
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``Your speciality, infamously,'' Juniper said, rather drily.
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I hadn't even been back for a full day and already my underlings were
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ragging on me. I flipped her off, feeling the weight on my shoulders
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lighten the slightest bit. It just wouldn't feel like home without the
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sarcasm. I groaned and rose to my feet.
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``Best I get started on Masego,'' I sighed. ``It could take the entire
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night, if it gets tricky.''
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``Don't linger,'' the Hellhound said. ``This all falls apart if you're
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not at the table. He's not going anywhere.''
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I nodded. Much as I disliked the thought of leaving my friend under any
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longer than I had to, as long as he was in no danger of death there were
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higher priorities. Having him at the table with me, even if he was
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blatantly bored with the proceedings, would get a point across. But
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uncertainty would have to do, if it took too long. I clasped Juniper's
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shoulder in farewell, but paused when I felt her hand take mine. She
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tightened her grip, face half-hidden by her fur-like dark hair.
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``Good to have you back,'' Juniper got out, looking away. ``It's not the
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same without you.''
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I embrace her, awkwardly given our respective sizes, but after that I
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couldn't not.
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``We're still in it, Juniper,'' I murmured. ``Bloodied but on our
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feet.''
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She shook me off, but only after a moment.
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``Go away, Foundling,'' she growled, sounding embarrassed. ``And don't
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let me catch you sleeping through a battle again. It's horrible for our
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reputation.''
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``Yes ma'am,'' I replied amusedly.
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She looked highly insulted by how sloppy my farewell salute was, and the
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good mood clung to me all the way back to Masego's tent. I'd know she
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was there without ever taking a look. People had a warmth to them that I
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had learned to discern. Orcs were warmer than humans, as a rule, and
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goblins almost feverish to my senses. Archer burned warmer than any of
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them. My mantle stirred, tasting the sheer vitality in the air with
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relish. Indrani looked, at first glance, perfectly relaxed. She'd moved
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the folding chair she was was on so she could rest her bare feet on
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Masego's guts and was casually chipping away at a chunk of wood with a
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knife. The carving looked like the beginning of a fox to me, but given
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her dubious artistic skills that meant very little. Her body was
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perfectly loose and at a rest, but the eyes gave it away. It wasn't the
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restlessness of a woman who couldn't wait to move I saw there. It was
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the silent frustration of someone who had a problem in front of them but
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no way to do anything about it. Shaving off another sliver of wood,
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Archer flicked it at Masego's face to join a growing pile and offered me
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a wan smile.
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``Cat,'' she said. ``Wondered when you'd come.''
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Part of me wanted to simply get what I'd come here to do done as soon as
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possible, but instead I claimed a chair and dropped it by her side.
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Boots resting on the edge of the bed instead of Hierophant himself,
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since I was a good and loyal friend, I made myself comfortable.
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``Had to talk with Juniper,'' I told her. ``Get the lay of the land.''
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She hummed, knife deftly twisting in her grip so she could change the
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angle she was carving at. How someone so good with knives could be so
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terrible at sculpting, I had no idea.
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``We're fucked, but so is the other side, so we're all showing teeth and
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pretending it's a smile,'' Indrani said. ``That about it?''
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I snorted.
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``More or less,'' I conceded.
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A sliver fell to the ground. The tent was silent, save for Masego's
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spell-induced breathing and the quiet whisper of steel on wood.
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``He's going to be all right,'' I said quietly.
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``Is he?'' Archer said quietly. ``Not so sure about that.''
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I turned to glance at her and found her face aloof.
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``You're angry,'' I said.
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``Angry's not the right word,'' the other woman replied. ``I get angry,
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I cut a throat. This is something else.''
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I folded my arms around my chest, feeling defensive but not quite sure
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why.
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``Vexed?'' I said.
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Her smile was thin.
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``A cousin of that, I reckon,'' Archer said. ``I understand the Lady a
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little better, now. Wish I didn't.''
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``Thought you had a pretty good handle on her already,'' I said.
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``As much as anyone can,'' Indrani shrugged. ``But I did always wonder,
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why Refuge? Not like she enjoys running it. If it was just about the
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fights, she could have found those as a Calamity. They have a regular
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hero body count. And she still talks about your teacher like she's in
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love with him, or as close to that as she can be.''
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``But now you know,'' I said.
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``I do,'' Archer agreed. ``Put an arrow in that hard old biddy the
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Saint, this morning. Walking back to camp, after you gave the signal, I
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had a thought.''
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I remained silent, watching her.
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``Catherine, don't take this the wrong way, but I don't really care
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about any of this,'' Indrani sighed, waving the knife around. ``It was a
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good laugh when you put on that crown, and the scraps keep coming. Got
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no complaints about that. But they're just enemies not\ldots{} \emph{my}
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enemies, you get me?''
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``It doesn't feel like your fight,'' I quietly said.
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``You're my friend,'' she said. ``So're the others, even Vivienne though
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she's usually a twat about it. It's not that I mind giving a hand, and
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I'm pretty sure we've still got legendary fights ahead of us. But it
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doesn't quite scratch the itch.''
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``Because it's not your story,'' I murmured.
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``It's yours,'' Indrani agreed. ``And there's something to being part of
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this. The Woe, or whatever you want to call it. I found something here I
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didn't know I wanted, back in Refuge. But I get the Lady, now, and why
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she left. Because this isn't something I was meant to do, just something
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I'm doing.''
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My throat clenched.
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``You were always upfront about it,'' I said. ``That you'd leave
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eventually.''
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``Stop looking like I kicked your unicorn,'' she sighed. ``No one's
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abandoning you. I'm not Ranger, Cat. I want to see it through to the
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end, to see \emph{what's} at the end. I don't have that\ldots{} it's
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hard to put into words. She's old, you know, in a way I don't think we
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can really understand.''
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``I never got a hard number on her age,'' I admitted. ``At least two
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hundred, but that's only rumours.''
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Archer's knife stilled, tapping against the side of the possible fox.
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``It's the half-elf thing,'' she said. ``You go in knowing the people
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you meet will be dust before you even hit your prime, and there's a part
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of you that doesn't grow roots. Because you know it's going to pass.''
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I thought of the man whose name we'd avoided saying, of a quiet
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conversation the two of us had had long before I loved or hated him.
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\emph{They never understand}, he'd told me, so very tiredly. \emph{Even
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if they love you, they never quite understand}. In this, as in so many
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things, I was still the bearer of his legacy.
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``You look sad,'' Indrani said suddenly, and I found her eyes on me.
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``It's been a long time, since I've seen you so human.''
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The gentleness she'd said it with made it so much worse.
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``I only ever seem to be,'' I murmured, ``when I'm at my worst.''
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If It'd been Hakram at my side, he would have offered comfort. Masego
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would have given an explanation, brought reason into it.
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Vivienne\ldots{} I still hesitated to be that open with her. The nature
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of our relationship had set boundaries. You could not bare your soul to
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the person you'd entrusted the means to kill you with, should it prove
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necessary. Indrani didn't say anything, though, because unlike the
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others she understood that some truths simply stayed with you. Like a
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scar, or a limp you barely even noticed.
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``You ever miss her?'' I asked.
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``It's different, for us,'' Archer replied hesitatingly. ``She's not
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my\ldots{}''
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\emph{Mother}, I did not say. I knew a thing or two about words it cost
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to speak out loud.
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``Isn't she?'' I gently said.
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Indrani laughed, but the mockery in it was not meant for me.
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``It's deeper than that,'' she said. ``She didn't tuck me in at night,
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Cat, she taught me a way to live. I didn't want someone holding my hand.
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Or maybe I did, fuck -- I was a kid and I was scared. But she gave me
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what I needed instead. Being able to stand on my own feet.''
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``It's not a weakness, you know,'' I said. ``Loving her for that.''
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Archer scoffed, looking away. I left it at that.
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``You ever miss him?'' she asked.
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My smile was a bitter one.
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``I shouldn't,'' I said.
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It was admission enough. My friend suddenly snorted, jolting in
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remembrance.
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``I had a talk with him once, after Marchford,'' Indrani admitted. ``I
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was curious after hearing so many stories so I sought him out.''
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``You never told me about that,'' I said.
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``Didn't think it mattered,'' she shrugged. ``I was going to challenge
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him to a spar, but he had this look\ldots{}''
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I chuckled.
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``Like before you even entered the room he'd figured out three ways to
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kill you,'' I said.
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She grinned, and it had her hazelnut eyes alight. She was most
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beautiful, I thought, in fleeting moments. Indrani was easy on the eyes
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yet not so striking it took the breath away, without the scarf, but now
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and then there would be a moment and it was the only thing you could
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think about.
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``Yeah, that,'' she agreed. ``Couldn't find the nerve. We had tea, we
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talked about Refuge a bit and then about the battle against the demon.''
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She paused.
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``And then after that, mild as you please, he smiled all nice and said
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that if I ever attacked you again he'd have me drowned,'' she added.
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I blinked in confusion for a moment, before I remembered the first time
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I'd ever met Indrani. She'd burst out of a window without warning at the
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manor in Marchford, then slapped me around along with Hakram and Masego.
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While I was still freshly wounded from a fight with devils, no less.
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Gods, I'd completely forgotten about that. Archer cleared her throat.
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``What I mean is, I think he does,'' she said. ``Or did.''
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Love me, she meant. In his own way.
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``Doesn't matter,'' I said. ``He can put it in a box when he acts. It's
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not that I don't think it's genuine, it's just\ldots{}''
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``How can it be enough, if it can fit in a box?'' she said.
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I nodded.
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``I think I can handle caring,'' I admitted. ``As long as it also fits
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in a box.''
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Because it was one thing, to have this tangle of gratitude and affection
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within me that refused to go away, but it was another to let it dictate
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my actions. There was a chance, however slight, that I could get to the
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end without killing him. But there was a greater chance I couldn't, and
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when the time came I could not allow myself to hesitate. Not going
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against a man who wouldn't.
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``You ever wonder if getting older just makes us more like them?''
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Archer asked, looking upwards at the ceiling of the tent. ``Different
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roads, maybe, but going to the same place.''
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My boot scraped against the edge of the bed uneasily.
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``I think we can learn from them without becoming them,'' I replied.
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``Or maybe I just want to, because the alternative scares me. Not sure
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it can really be called faith, when I'm more afraid of being wrong than
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believing I'm right.''
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``They wouldn't have called a truce,'' Indrani decided after a moment.
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``They would have found a way to kill every last one of them.''
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My fingers clenched, then slowly unclenched.
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``I'm not so sure they would have been wrong to do that,'' I confessed.
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I could feel her surprise without turning.
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``Thought you are all about victory in peace, these days,'' Archer
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noted. ``Peace after a lot of killing, sure, but making nice still being
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the end of the road.''
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``If I'd listened to Juniper and gone with Bonfire,'' I said. ``A third
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of my army wouldn't be dead right now.''
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``You just got done sleeping off your last big move,'' she shrugged.
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``Not sure if it was the right call to pass on the Hellhound's plan, but
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I can't say for sure it was the wrong one either. Neither can you,
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unless you know things you're not telling me.''
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``So I keep telling myself,'' I said. ``But so far, all my plan's gotten
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done is a lot of bleeding by people my duty is to \emph{not} have
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bleeding. And it might fail, Indrani. That's the thorn on the stem. I
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need the other side to be willing to make a deal, and I'm less certain
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of that being a real possibility by the day. I thought Pilgrim was
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someone I could work with, but after this morning\ldots{} They're not
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interested in both sides getting what they want, because if we get our
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way even a little bit they see it as a defeat.''
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``So beat them,'' Archer said. ``Crush them so brutally they're not
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thinking about winning, just surviving. They'll take terms then.''
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I laughed harshly.
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``Gods, I want to,'' I admitted. ``It might not be easier, but it'd be
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\emph{simpler}. If all I had to care about was coming out on top and
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what it takes to get there. And that's the hypocrisy of it. Because as
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much as I rail against them, what I'm after is utter victory as well. It
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just involves make treaties instead of invading another country.''
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``I'm still not hearing a reason not to step on them,'' Indrani said,
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frowning.
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``Because Triumphant took ten years to conquer all of Calernia and five
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years to lose it,'' I said. ``Just being strong isn't enough, because if
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strength is all that keeps the peace then the moment you falter it's
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\emph{gone}. And we all falter, eventually. You can't dance for decades
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without ever missing a step. I used to think Malicia lost sight of that,
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when she tried to get her hands on the doomsday weapon, but now I'm not
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so sure. After Second Liesse I told myself she'd put herself in the
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corner on her own. That by fanning the flames when Procer had its civil
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war she ensured sooner or later there'd be a reckoning, and then made it
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so much worse by trying to get the weapon. Now, though, I think I get
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where she was coming from. She thinks the only way they'll ever
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negotiate with her is if the alternative is annihilation. No
|
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uncertainty, no room for a turnaround. Just\ldots{}''
|
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I snapped my fingers.
|
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|
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``Gone.''
|
|
|
|
``We rebuilding the fortress o'doom, then?'' Archer asked. ``I was under
|
|
the impression we didn't care for it.''
|
|
|
|
``Before I told Juniper to raise the army,'' I said. ``Before I let
|
|
everyone off the leash to rebuild Callow and get it on war footing, I
|
|
drew a line for myself. That'd I'd only keep fighting so long as what I
|
|
led to wasn't worse than surrendering to the crusade. Because if I can't
|
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even believe that much, I'm the problem more than them.''
|
|
|
|
``No to the fortress o'doom, then,'' Indrani snorted. ``I think? It can
|
|
be hard to tell with you.''
|
|
|
|
``If it takes Hellgates to make what I'm doing work, then it isn't worth
|
|
doing,'' I replied. ``The thing that gets me is, what I hate most about
|
|
the heroes? I do it too. I'm furious that they think they should win
|
|
just because they won't compromise, but when have I ever done the same
|
|
when I had the power not to?''
|
|
|
|
And I couldn't just dismiss that. Because getting angry about them being
|
|
stubborn didn't hold, when I was just as stubborn. I could believe they
|
|
were wrong, but I couldn't just dismiss their right to disagree with me.
|
|
The fury that burned whenever they cast their righteousness in my face
|
|
was childish. I'd spent years telling my enemies that blame was
|
|
pointless, that it didn't \emph{change} anything. That it was whining to
|
|
demand the world be as you thought it should instead of how it truly
|
|
was. It'd been my answer, when facing Vivienne in Laure, and I would not
|
|
renounce it now. The servants of the Gods Above had powers my decisions
|
|
had barred from me, but that was my own doing. I did not surrender the
|
|
right to restrain and work around these powers whenever I could, but I
|
|
could not honestly call it \emph{unfair}. When had fair ever mattered?
|
|
That I had to refrain from using powers I had gained because they were
|
|
harmful of dangerous in no way meant my enemies had limit themselves the
|
|
same way. If I could not win with this state of affairs, that was on my
|
|
head. There could be no such thing as cheating when none of this was a
|
|
game. And Gods forgive me, but I'd known it would be like this when I
|
|
took up the knife.
|
|
|
|
``Winner takes all,'' Archer said. ``The law older than laws.''
|
|
|
|
``I could probably end the war in about a year,'' I admitted. ``If I hit
|
|
Black's army in the back while it's defending against the crusaders,
|
|
then help them move against Praes. There'd be a lot of death before it
|
|
was over, taking Praesi cities, and probably just as much in purges
|
|
afterwards. I'm not sure, though, that it won't result in fewer corpses
|
|
than my way. \emph{I genuinely can't tell}. If I threw it all away, if I
|
|
rolled over for Hasenbach\ldots{} Fuck, Callow wouldn't be independent
|
|
but I broke William's neck because I believe the sign on the banner is
|
|
less important than the people under it. I'm not after the same things I
|
|
was when I started, not anymore. The amount of corpses on the ground at
|
|
the end isn't all that matters.''
|
|
|
|
``Never did get why you worry so much about people,'' Indrani said.
|
|
``Vivienne's all about the good ol' motherland and getting even, but she
|
|
was upper crust before she learned wandering hands. She's got a stake in
|
|
that game. You? You're an orphan, Cat. Never left Laure before Black
|
|
took you in, if Hakram is to be believed. Why do you give two shits if
|
|
this country burns? Not like it ever did anything for you. A chunk of it
|
|
still hates your guts, and considering you sure as Hells don't enjoy
|
|
ruling it you're going through a lot of trouble to keep doing just
|
|
that.''
|
|
|
|
More than once I'd reflected that Archer had a lot in common with orcs,
|
|
when it came to the way she looked at the world. I'd been wrong, though.
|
|
Oh, they both liked blood on the floor and they measured most things
|
|
through strength. But orcs had\ldots{} loyalties. Not in the way I'd
|
|
been taught to have them, but they were there. Follow the warlord,
|
|
protect the clan, uphold what an orc should be. Indrani had none of
|
|
that. If she was loyal to anything, it was herself. A betrayal, to her,
|
|
would be forcing herself to do something she didn't want to do.
|
|
Pretending to be something else than she was. Black and I were creatures
|
|
fettered to outcomes, if not means. Archer, and Ranger as well I
|
|
suspected, could not conceive a world where fetters could be anything
|
|
but a sin. The only thing Indrani had it in her to truly hate was being
|
|
restrained.
|
|
|
|
``I thought I could fix it,'' I quietly said. ``I looked around me and
|
|
thought that, if I had the power all those other people had, I wouldn't
|
|
make their mistakes. I'd use it the way it should be used. That it would
|
|
be \emph{better}.''
|
|
|
|
Archer studied me silently.
|
|
|
|
``And do you still?''
|
|
|
|
\emph{I made and broke the Liesse Rebellion}, I thought. \emph{I
|
|
bargained with fae as my people died around me, failed the
|
|
responsibilities I had claimed so grandly a city was blotted out from
|
|
Creation along with a hundred thousand souls. I am leading this land to
|
|
make war on half the continent while the rest plots my demise.}
|
|
|
|
``I'm not good enough a liar,'' I said, ``to make myself believe that.''
|
|
|
|
``So leave,'' Indrani said. ``Take your cloak and your sword, wake
|
|
Masego and convince Vivienne. You have a way with her. We can be out of
|
|
the kingdom before dawn.''
|
|
|
|
``Do you think we're good people, Indrani?'' I asked.
|
|
|
|
``Good people is what we pretend to be, when we're more afraid of
|
|
consequences than we are hungry or jealous,'' Archer replied without
|
|
hesitation. ``When the living is soft and someone else takes the pain
|
|
for you. It always, always falls away when you walk through fire -- and
|
|
we've been in too many blazes to still be wearing that face.''
|
|
|
|
``Right and wrong are less important than works or not,'' I mused.
|
|
``That's what I was taught. And it fit, you know? Because mercy's the
|
|
privilege of the powerful. The House of Light can speak the pretty
|
|
sentiments because by following them it wins. Black never followed his
|
|
philosophy to its logical conclusion, though, because it's not about
|
|
logic for him. Not really. If the Heavens always win, why should anyone
|
|
ever pick another side?''
|
|
|
|
``Gold, pretty boys, the power to fry anyone getting on your nerves,''
|
|
Indrani suggested. ``Angels tend to be pricks, too. You're being all
|
|
philosophical about this, but that's just you. Most people don't think
|
|
that deep about it.''
|
|
|
|
``The Empire of the last twenty years was probably the most reasonable
|
|
Evil has ever been on this continent,'' I said. ``It still involved
|
|
exploiting an occupied country and habitual assassination. I don't think
|
|
it was worse than other current nations, not objectively. But if the
|
|
best Evil can do is acceptably awful, then some things have to be
|
|
reconsidered. The Pilgrim said I'm leading everyone down the cliff just
|
|
by being in charge, and just because he's trying to kill me doesn't mean
|
|
he's \emph{wrong}.''
|
|
|
|
``So stab the Empress,'' Archer nonchalantly said, like it was just an
|
|
afternoon's work. ``Climb the Tower and, you know, don't do any of
|
|
that.''
|
|
|
|
``That's exactly what Diabolist is trying to get me to do,'' I murmured.
|
|
``But I think it's a trap, Indrani. Because I'll have to get worse to
|
|
stay on top in Praes. Below wins, and just because I'd hang the Heavens
|
|
if I could doesn't meant I trust the opposition any. And whoever puts a
|
|
knife in me, a few decades down the line, takes up the old banner with
|
|
the scales having tilted their way. Pilgrim's right about that too.
|
|
There's going to be consequences to all of this that won't come out for
|
|
decades, and if I ignore that I'm fucking over a lot more people than
|
|
I'm trying to save.''
|
|
|
|
``You made part of this mess, can't deny that,'' Indrani said.
|
|
``Promises too, to people you like. I won't pretend breaking would be
|
|
pleasant. But this is larger and older than us, Cat. It's the Game of
|
|
the Gods. Not playing is as close to victory as you'll ever get.''
|
|
|
|
``If was a heroine,'' I said, ``I'd tell you to have a war you need two
|
|
sides.''
|
|
|
|
``That ship sailed when you fucked over the Hashmallim, I'm pretty
|
|
sure,'' Archer said.
|
|
|
|
I laughed ruefully, shaking my head.
|
|
|
|
``The last time I felt like I had a grasp on any of this was when I
|
|
killed the Lone Swordsman,'' I admitted. ``Ever since it's been like
|
|
swimming in the dark. I know I saw a shore on the other side, but the
|
|
night is young and I'm getting tired. The longer I'm at it, the more I
|
|
doubt I'll ever get to land.''
|
|
|
|
``And what's our shore?'' Indrani asked.
|
|
|
|
``I call them,'' I softly said, ``the Liesse Accords.''
|
|
|
|
``They worth the swim?'' Archer said, eyebrow quirking.
|
|
|
|
``They're why I still have a crown on,'' I replied. ``Because for them
|
|
to work, someone needs to enforce them from this side.''
|
|
|
|
``So we fight,'' she said.
|
|
|
|
``So we fight,'' I echoed.
|
|
|
|
Silence lingered between us, almost restful.
|
|
|
|
``I'm not sure I do,'' I murmured. ``Care. If I did, why would I need so
|
|
many rules?''
|
|
|
|
``Same reason anyone has rules,'' Indrani replied, with kindness like a
|
|
knife. ``Fear.''
|
|
|
|
I knew better, these days, than to argue with the truth. I rose to my
|
|
feet and leaned over Masego, forcing away her feet and brushing the
|
|
wooden slivers off his face.
|
|
|
|
``Wake me with dawn,'' I told her.
|
|
|
|
She nodded silently, blade beginning to chip at wood again. I laid my
|
|
hand on Hierophant's head and breathed in, seizing his dream.
|
|
|
|
I never felt myself breathe out.
|