634 lines
30 KiB
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634 lines
30 KiB
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\hypertarget{chapter-2-enlistment}{%
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\chapter{Enlistment}\label{chapter-2-enlistment}}
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\epigraph{``My lords and ladies, have I not always been a firm believer in
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second chances?''}{Dread Empress Malevolent II, announcing her second (and penultimate)
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invasion of Callow}
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This would be the fifth one I brought in, so to speak.
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The first time I'd come across a new Named was maybe two weeks after the
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first proper battle that'd followed Callow entering the war, which one
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of my own soldiers had jauntily named the `Scrap at the Gap' only to see
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the quip tumble down into the pages of history. It'd been our first use
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of a pharos device, and the proliferation of gates out of the Twilight
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Ways had allowed us to take the dead flatfooted. The soldiers under
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Volignac and Papenheim had rallied with burning rage in their bellies,
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and we'd turned the chase around on Keter: we'd forced the dead to
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retreat and even dented the Grey Legion.
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At the time we'd believed we could reclaim all of Hainaut if we struck
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out aggressively enough, so we'd concentrated on reclaiming the roads
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and strongholds of the western region of principality: the aim had been
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to establish a solid defensive line all the way to the border with
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Cleves and after solidifying root out the dead as we moved north in a
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Hainaut-wide curtain. No one had expected there to be anything still
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living in the region, for Keter had had the run of it for months, which
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was why when the Tartessos scouts had begun finding the remains of small
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undead raiding packs we'd expected a monster and not a half-feral woman
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in her seventies.
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The Stained Sister had shattered Hakram's shoulder and nearly blinded
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him when we'd gone out to find what might be lurking in the hills. She'd
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been one of Hanno's, not mine, for even three days buried up to her neck
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in the corpses of everyone she'd ever known had not been enough to break
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her faith in Above. She'd listened anyway, when I laid down the law as
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it had been agreed on: so long as Named were willing to take up arms
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against Keter, they would fall under the aegis of the Truce and Terms.
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Amnesty was offered to all willing to join the war against extinction,
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and peace would be kept between villains and heroes until the Dead King
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was no more. For those who were sworn to Above, the White Knight stood
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as representative in councils and first among equals. For those that
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dwelled in Below's shadow, the same duties fell to me. It was a simple
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enough arrangement, in principle. In practice it'd been as about as
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horribly complex and strenuous a state if affairs as I'd expected it to
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be, and it'd been a very long time since I was last called an optimist.
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I'd picked up two more during our offensive to take back the capital
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late last summer, the two of them pretty middling villains -- one
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lowlife gambler who'd managed to survive by stealing other people's luck
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and using it to avoid and escape the dead, the other a hedge mage who'd
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slit open her own brother's throat to fuel an enchantment that made her
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invisible to Dead King's armies but was now beset by his furious shade.
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Half-starved and almost pathetically grateful to be given shelter, the
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two of them had accepted the Truce and Terms without batting an eye.
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Unsurprisingly, getting them to toe the line afterwards had been more
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difficult.
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The Pilfering Dicer now had nine fingers to illustrate the point that
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stealing the luck of my soldiers wasn't something you could talk your
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way out of, but at least I'd pawned off the mage to Indrani for her
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roving band and gotten only praise about her since. The Dicer I'd sent
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instead to the First Prince, as his talents were best suited for the
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sort of battles she was fighting on our behalf. The fourth had been both
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the easiest and the worst, in some ways, for though he'd come to me
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instead of the other way around it would be very much a delusion to
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claim I had any sort of \emph{control} over the Beastmaster.
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As I could not help but be reminded when the man opened his eyes,
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breathing out deeply.
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``There are still a few,'' Beastmaster said. ``Three or four. Less than
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earlier.''
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I looked at the great blaze across the half-dug dry moat and grimaced.
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It was rather surprised anyone but the fresh Named was still living.
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``And you didn't consider helping them flee when you first noticed?'' I
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replied, tone curt.
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``And risk the ire of a green Named who could already do \emph{this}?''
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Beastmaster snorted, gesturing towards the village.
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The falcon that'd flown over the nameless village returned to its
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master's shoulder, undisturbed at having leant him its eyes while it was
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still up there. The Named at my side might not be anywhere as proficient
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a combatant as someone like Indrani or Hanno, but his talents were
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surprisingly broad in application and it'd be a rough affair to put him
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down if it came to that: I'd seen some of the creatures the Beastmaster
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used as mounts, and none of them were beasts to take lightly even
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without a rider on their back. More than anything else the man had
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proved his worth as eyes up in the sky even in regions where scrying
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might be disrupted, as was becoming increasingly common. His stable of
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birds of prey currently had a better record at tracking people than our
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sorcery, since even young Names could sometimes disrupt scrying ritual.
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There was a reason I kept the man close, and it wasn't his charm or
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sunny disposition.
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``If he meant to kill them, they'd already be,'' I said, tone grown
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sharp.
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Matted hair pressed against the side of his eyebrow, thick with filth,
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the man shrugged apathetically. I wasn't sure whether Beastmaster had
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been born a prick or he'd been taught the ancient ways of prickery by
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one of the finest practitioners of the art alive -- the Ranger herself
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-- but his utter unwillingness to risk so much as the tip of his toe for
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another's sake had a way of raising my hackles. Even when Indrani had
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been fresh out of Refuge and the Lady's tutelage she'd not been
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this\ldots{} savagely unconcerned with everything that went on around
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her.
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``Fine,'' I said. ``Tell my knights where the survivors are, they'll
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help them out. Where's the boy?''
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``The House of Light,'' Beastmaster said.
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If this was going to be one of the religious ones, I really hoped it'd
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made it this far north that the Salian Conclave had struck down its
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decree naming me the Arch-heretic of the East. If I was lucky, they
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might even have heard that instead the Dead King had been proclaimed
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Arch-heretic Eternal. \emph{Lucky, huh. That'd be the fucking day.} I
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whistled loudly, Grandmaster Talbot riding up without missing a beat or
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betraying irritation at the somewhat undignified summons.
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``Beastmaster had eyes on survivors,'' I told the knight. ``Have some
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your people get them out. Our healers are fresh?''
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``Good as, my liege,'' Brandon Talbot replied. ``Though I'll caution
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once more they are not the finest of that trade.''
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Yeah, the House Insurgent did tend to have that little defect. You
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couldn't learn to burn with Light without missing out on the deeper
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secrets of healing, apparently. The Grey Pilgrim had once told me it was
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more a consequence of mindset than a hard limit of ability, but then
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there was no one alive who could use Light the way Tariq Fleetfoot did
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-- not even Hanno, who had the shade of near every dead hero up in the
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library shelves of his head.
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``Have them do what they can,'' I grimly said.
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Burns were nasty way to go.
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``I'll be seeing to the hero,'' I added a moment later. ``Hurry with the
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survivors, Talbot.''
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The man nodded, and after a nod to the Beastmaster -- who bothered
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himself to return it, though seemingly with great effort -- I rode out.
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This place must have been a nice little village, once upon a time. How
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many people had lived here? One hundred, two hundred? Couldn't be more
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than that. There was rarely such a thing as a proper street in places
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like this, even a dirt one, and this village was no exception. There
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were a tighter cluster of once-thatched houses now blazing up trails of
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smoke surrounding what might have once been a village market, but aside
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from that houses and shops had been raised rather haphazardly. They were
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scarcer on the outskirts, with the house nearest to the unfinished ditch
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standing entirely alone.
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Zombie did not even need to jump over the trench, as a quick walk around
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the edge of what had been dug accomplished the same result rather less
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dramatically. It'd been poor sense, trying to dig a dry moat in so wide
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a circle. The villagers would have done better trying the same further
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in, or better yet raising a palisade instead. There was no way the work
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could have been finished in time to repel the dead, not with the numbers
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they had. What I'd been looking for was a mere three steps away from the
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edge of the finished ditch, slumped and still. I slowed my mount,
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frowning as I leant down to turn the corpse with the tip of my staff. At
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first glance the killing looked like it'd been done with Light, a hole
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torn right through the chest of the still-living woman, but the edges
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were too blackened. Charred.
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Light was cleaner than this when used on living people, even those
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corrupted by curses and sorcery. Light and fire threaded together?
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Unusual. I would have thought someone more prone into coming a Name apt
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to wielding that if they'd been forged from a great fire, not the
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\emph{source} of one. Hooves sounded against the ground behind me, a
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belated escort of knights. It was still a reflex for me to argue against
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the necessity of one, but there'd been twenty-three different
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assassination attempts against me in the last year. Few had even come
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close, but I'd been taught the virtues of having eyes other than mine
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and armoured bodies in the way of harm.
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``I'll be entering the House alone,'' I spoke without turning. ``I'll
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not have numbers spooking our friend.''
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``If you so order, my queen,'' Grandmaster Talbot replied, the genteel
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disapproval in his tone clear.
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I rolled my eyes. If the boy who'd done this still had fighting on his
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mind it was a lot more likely I'd end up protecting my escort than the
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other way around. I let the body I'd been examining slump back against
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the ground and spurred Zombie onwards. We passed through the outskirts
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briskly, though I slowed once more to verify the sort of injuries on
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other corpses were the same as the first before heading deeper in.
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Towards what should have been the market, as well as the small dirt path
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beyond it and led to the sole building in the village that was tall
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stone with a tiled slate roof: the House of Light. There the Named would
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be waiting, I knew, though I would not cross the threshold before
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figuring out exactly what it was I was dealing with here. Whether the
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boy was a hero, a villain or of those whose Role tread that narrow path
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where circumstance could cast you as either did not matter so much as
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the fact that he'd seemingly butchered an entire village.
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If he was a hero, as the use of Light to kill would imply, he was
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unlikely to be the kind I got along with.
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We closed in on the market, where the roar of the flames was almost
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deafening. Wary of entering the central grounds, where heat had hardened
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and cracked the muddy grounds, I led Zombie into lingering at the edge
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of the circle in one of the larger gaps. There'd been an inn among the
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lot of them, I noted, though it was hard to tell exactly how large it'd
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once been. It'd been hit hardest of all the village: the walls had been
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torn through with great blasts of Light, then the ceiling had fallen and
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caught fire. Even that rubble, though, was not enough to hide the sheer
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number of corpses there'd been inside. Those the flames had not yet
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devoured were close to the door, some even just out into the `street'.
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They, I saw, had been hit in the back. The Grandmaster of the Order of
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the Broken Bells caught up to me as I sat studying the burning inn, face
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betraying utter disgust what he beheld.
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``Gods,'' Brandon Talbot rasped out. ``Even the children.''
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Only one of those was untouched by flame, pale brown hair fanning her
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face like a veil but doing nothing to hide the black-rimmed hole that'd
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torn through the middle of her back. There were bones I could see in the
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embers and flame, though, that even blackened could not me mistaken for
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those of a grown man. And yet. Gods, and yet.
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``Do you still remember that skirmish just a week away from the capital,
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last summer?'' I quietly said. ``What happened to that company of
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Volignac outriders, when they found that little village tucked away in
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the reeds.''
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``The dead wearing the guises of children,'' the bearded knight said,
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tone sickened. ``I'd heard. I do not blame them for fleeing, Your
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Majesty. I am not certain if I could have done it myself, striking down
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infants with knight's steel.''
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\emph{And so Neshamah's abominations would have torn you down from your
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horse and clawed out your throat,} I thought, \emph{the way they did too
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many of those honourable outriders. Honour has no place on this field.
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Not against the kind of foe we face.} My voice came out cool, a warning
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under the swirling columns of smoke.
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``This is not a war, Brandon Talbot, where hurried judgements thrive. Do
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not forget that.''
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Yet sometimes I wondered if that was not Below's game, lurking behind
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everything else. Even if we won against Keter what kind of creatures
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would we have become when we emerged from the crucible? Already I'd
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grown wary of castigating the slaughter of children without knowing more
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of how it'd come to be, and we'd yet to even step into the Dead King's
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lands. There was an old saying about the dangers of looking into the
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abyss that most peoples of Calernia held some form or another of. It'd
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been taught to me at the orphanage as `beware of matching horror's eyes,
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lest it gaze back into yours', one of those Old Miezan sentences turned
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into proverbs only nobles and priests ever seemed to quote. The thing,
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though, was that horror wasn't sickness. It wasn't something that
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tainted you from watching it or fighting it, like ink or filth or oil.
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Horror, horror was a \emph{pit}.
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It was a deep dark hole the world pushed you into, remorseless.
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Sometimes the only way through was to wade through the deeps of it, do
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whatever it took, and there lay the trouble: even if you got to climb
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out, after, who you'd been in that pit would never leave you. Gods, it'd
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be reassuring if it was a taint that'd made the decision for you, but it
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wasn't. Not really. It was just you, when you were scared and cold and
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desperate and \emph{didn't want to die.} That tended to be an uglier
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sight than devils, in my experience. Nowadays Calernia was being dragged
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into the pit, one inch after another, and there were nights where that
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thought kept me from sleeping. Lessons learned in the deeps of pit were
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long in being unlearned, if they ever were at all. What kind of a world
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was it, that Cordelia Hasenbach and I would end up raising out of the
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ashes of the old?
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``I sometimes wonder if even heroes are worth it,'' Grandmaster Talbot
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softly said, ``if they must always be born of such grief.''
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``Men murder men,'' I said. ``They rob and cheat and lie. From all I
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know we've done so since the First Dawn and will keep on doing it until
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the Last Dusk. Don't blame the blade for the heat of the forge,
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Talbot.''
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I bared my teeth.
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``Blame the fucker who lit the furnace.''
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Though in this case, I thought, the two might just be the same. My gaze
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had moved on from the inn, swept across the rest of this would-be
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marketplace, and a story had unfolded before my eyes. It'd begun with
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the inn. There had been a gathering there, with perhaps as many as a
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hundred packed tight inside. The Named had let loose his power, moved to
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violence by something, and then the nightmare had begun. The villagers
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had been packed too tightly: panic and stampede began to kill them just
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as much as the power unleashed. The place had caught fire, smoke and
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heat further stirring the pot, and even as some tried to escape through
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the back the Named had left by the front to strike down the few that'd
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successfully escaped. The relief inside was short-lived, as the roof
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collapsed not long after.
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From there, the tale grew murkier. I'd wager that the noise and escapees
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had moved those few villagers with a weapon to try to kill the Named,
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and he'd reacted\ldots{} harshly. I'd yet to catch sight of him going
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for anything but a killing blow. From there it looked like the boy had
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swept through the village, heading to wherever he saw movement and
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killing until there was no one left save for a handful of hidden
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survivors. He'd then limped back to the House of Light, either exhausted
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or wounded or both. I breathed out, almost comforted by what I'd
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grasped. I was not dealing with coldblooded thrill-killer or a broken
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bird grown dragon's claws: wildly wandering around striking down those
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who moved in a panic was a mark of lapsed control. Lack of
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premeditation, too.
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This was too much fear and too much power, not the first atrocity of a
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great monster in the making.
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``You seem grieved, my queen,'' the knight quietly said, voice almost
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drowned out by the blaze.
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``Better it had been a monster, Talbot,'' I tiredly said. ``One of those
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I would have been able to use without guilt.''
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Zombie pulled ahead, answering my mood before my knee gave the order.
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The breeze shifted: like raking claws, threads of smoke were blown
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across our path. We rode through and broke the ghostly shackles, flanked
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by the unforgiving blaze on both sides as my mount's hooves broke the
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hardened mud beneath them. And then, quick as a stolen kiss, the heat
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and smoke were gone. We tread then the path to the House of Light, where
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flame had not reached. Yet blood had, for it was smeared over the wooden
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door left slightly ajar. I dismounted smoothly, though not so smoothly
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that I did not hiss in pain when my bad leg touched the ground, and lay
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a light slap against Zombie's rump. She left to wander, gait unhurried,
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and a last look over my shoulder quelled any thought my knights might
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have held of following me inside. The Mantle of Woe trailing behind me,
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leaning on my staff of yew as I limped forward, I cracked the door open
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just enough to slip in and entered the temple.
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There was a skylight. That was the first thing I noticed. Though a
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village like this was too poor to afford glass windows and so the walls
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had been full stone, a clever trick of architecture had allowed for the
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making of a skylight in what I'd taken to be just a lightly angled roof.
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And it had been cleverly done, too, as it was carved to allow for the
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sun's journey through the day. The stone floor had been painted with
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scenes from the Book of All Things and different times of the day would
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see light fall on different parts. It had been most ingeniously built,
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for a temple in the middle of nowhere. Procerans: so much to hold in
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contempt, so much to admire. Light fell from above on the painted scene
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of Gods in black and white standing on both sides of the wan silhouette
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of a woman, theirs hands held out. A choice offered.
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The drying trail of blood that'd trickled down all the wat to the woman
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was one of those vicious little ironies Creation was so fond of
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offering.
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My staff struck the floor as I limped up, sounding obscenely loud in the
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silence of this place. At my sides roughly hewn benches, some of which
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had been toppled by struggle or negligence, only made it more palpable
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how \emph{empty} the House was. At the very back, behind the painted
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scenes and the light, two bodies lay slumped. One was that of a priest,
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still clad in his pale robes. He was dead, a long cut-like wound opened
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from one shoulder to the opposite hip -- and though it still bled blood,
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all the way to the painted stone, the outer edges of it were charred.
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Eyes wide open and unseeing of the sun pouring through the skylight, the
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back of his head lay against the altar he'd once tended to. Against the
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other side of the altar, bloodied and burned, lay the young boy who'd
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butchered more than a hundred souls beyond the gates of this place.
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His face was a charred ruin. Stories, when they spoke of burns at all,
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delighted in telling of villains whose burn scars were disfiguring marks
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warning of wickedness. In a few there was even shoddy symbolism
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attempted: a face half-burned, the duality of a man's soul, Good and
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Evil at war. The boy's face just looked like someone had held it down
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against a fucking fire, and there was nothing elegant or symbolic about
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that. It was just pain and ugliness and pus, having devoured an uneven
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two-thirds of the face of a kid who couldn't be more sixteen. It'd taken
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an eye with it, or close enough, as it had grown a clouded grey instead
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of whatever colour it'd once held. On the right side, on the part left
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untouched by fire, a lone blue eye and closely cut black hair were
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almost incongruously healthy compared to the rest of the young Named.
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The boy wore a leather jerkin and woolen trousers, both so worn as to be
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near rags, and his shoes were little more than leather strips wrapped
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around a flat wooden sole. The wound I'd suspected he might have proved
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to be a knife slash on his leg, though not near anything that'd kill
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him. It'd still gone untreated and soaked the wool red. Not that
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infection was likely to kill him, now that he was Named. It was
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exhaustion, pain and horror keeping him down.
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``Are you to be my punishment?'' the boy rasped out. ``I have sinned and
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do not deny it.''
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\emph{Gods}, I thought, stricken. He sounded so very resigned.
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``Have you?'' I said, making myself sound only mildly interested. ``Tell
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me about it.''
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``I am-''
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``That is yet to be determined,'' I mildly said, cutting in. ``Tell me
|
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about the killings.''
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|
|
The Alamans boy -- and he must be that, for his accent in Chantant had
|
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that lakeside twang to it -- forced himself to focus. His blue eye
|
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fluttered and the cloudy one turned to me as well, some thought
|
|
returning to the gaze. He watched me and I returned the look, leaning on
|
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my dead staff of yew.
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|
|
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``You are not,'' the Named said, ``an angel.''
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|
|
My answering smile was thin and sharp.
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|
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``Not,'' I agreed, ``in any sense of the word.''
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``Who are you, then?'' the boy rasped out.
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|
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``The judge, child,'' I said. ``And if comes to that, the other two as
|
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well.''
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The Named laughed, though the convulsion twisted him in pain.
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|
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``A fitting end,'' he said. ``I took their lives, stranger. I blinded
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and burned until nothing was left. How do you judge \emph{that}?''
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|
|
|
``Sloppy,'' I said, tone cool. ``The inn was the correct place to begin,
|
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but to let loose while you were still inside? Sloppy is almost too kind
|
|
a word. Packed that tight, all it took was a stroke of luck and any one
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of them might have caved your head in. You should have left, barred the
|
|
doors and only then started the flames.''
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|
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The boy's face twisted with rage at my indifference.
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|
|
|
``I couldn't know if they were all-''
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|
|
He stopped, biting his tongue. \emph{Ah}, I thought. \emph{There it is.}
|
|
He'd wanted me to splatter him across the stones, justice swiftly done
|
|
and harshly meted. But there'd been something more about this, a part
|
|
still obscured. And where gentleness would unearth nothing this wounded
|
|
child wanted buried, calculated callousness might just bait it out.
|
|
|
|
``You're not from here, are you?'' I mused. ``You've got that lakeside
|
|
twang, like you're always chewing. It's a long way south, for a boy of
|
|
no great means.''
|
|
|
|
Lack of boots meant his family had never been even remotely wealthy.
|
|
Refugee, it had me guessing. From one of the later waves, long after
|
|
soldiery had ceased escorting civilians south.
|
|
|
|
``What does it matter?'' the boy asked.
|
|
|
|
``Means either you came with someone,'' I said, ``or you were capable of
|
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making it alone.''
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|
|
|
``Did you not see my work outside, stranger?'' the Named mocked.
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|
|
|
Confirmed, then, that the power wielded there was something he'd had for
|
|
some time.
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|
|
|
``I saw your convulsing terror burned across a few hundred people,'' I
|
|
agreed. ``So what is it that had you so scared, boy?''
|
|
|
|
The Named grit his teeth.
|
|
|
|
``I am-''
|
|
|
|
``Meat, until I deem it otherwise,'' I interrupted once more, tone gone
|
|
cold. ``So speak, \emph{boy}.''
|
|
|
|
I saw anger, in eyes both blue and clouded, and anger was an anchor. I
|
|
knew that as bone deep as I knew my limp and the sound Liesse had made
|
|
when it broke. It would keep him grounded in the here and now, at least
|
|
long enough for our talk.
|
|
|
|
``It was too late,'' he snarled. ``The disease was in them, same as it
|
|
was in Maman. And I told them, told them I could see it and they needed
|
|
to send for a \emph{real} priest, but they just wouldn't
|
|
\emph{listen}-''
|
|
|
|
His mouth closed with a snap.
|
|
|
|
``I do not beg for my life,'' the boy said. ``I do not quibble nor
|
|
defend.''
|
|
|
|
And it fell into place, just like that. The ditch begun but abandoned,
|
|
the way so many of them had been gathered in the same place.
|
|
|
|
``They were going to leave,'' I said.
|
|
|
|
I saw I had the right of it in the boy's eyes, even if he denied me an
|
|
answer. A makeshift caravan of some sort, most likely, headed further
|
|
south for one of the great refugee camps. When I'd last gotten a report
|
|
on the seeded plague from the Grey Pilgrim, he'd mentioned his worry
|
|
that there might yet be carriers in who the disease would be sleeping.
|
|
Lying in wait. He'd caught the infiltrators headed for Brabant himself,
|
|
but not even heroes could be everywhere. If the boy was right and the
|
|
villagers had slipped further south without being caught? Thousands
|
|
dead, should we be \emph{lucky}. And we'd be putting out that fire for
|
|
months instead of heading north as we needed to, losing a good chunk of
|
|
the war season. \emph{This might not be the only village where it was
|
|
attempted}, I thought. \emph{If it was attempted all}, I also
|
|
considered\emph{, and the boy did not simply go mad with enough will it
|
|
became\ldots{} more.}
|
|
|
|
I'd need Akua to study the bodies as well few survivors we'd pulled out.
|
|
More than that, if this was the plan within the Dead King's plan then I
|
|
needed to put out a warning there might be other villages like this oute
|
|
there. Villages that'd not had the mixed of luck of being stumbled upon
|
|
by a Named.
|
|
|
|
``I couldn't let them,'' the boy said. ``And they weren't real miracles,
|
|
I know the priests said so, but they \emph{worked}.''
|
|
|
|
My gaze moved to the priest, dead and cold, the wound that was bloody
|
|
but hardly mortal. If you could heal, anyway, use the Light. The boy was
|
|
no natural wielder of Light, I realized, smiled upon by the Heavens and
|
|
bestowed some manner of searing holy flame. But he did have a power he'd
|
|
been born with. An eye for recognizing a magically seeded disease, the
|
|
ability to wield highly concentrated light and flame in short bursts
|
|
while losing control of it upon release? Those were the marks of a wild
|
|
talent, a born mage. And one of great power, to have torn through a
|
|
village while so unschooled. \emph{How badly you must have wanted to be
|
|
anything but a mage}, I thought, \emph{for the only magic you ever used
|
|
to be such a close mimicry of the Light.} It was heartbreaking. That
|
|
he'd been warped into this, that he'd been broken after even that and
|
|
then forced to look a truth in the eye: he had the power to fight back
|
|
against horror, just this once.
|
|
|
|
So long as he was willing to make a horror of his own.
|
|
|
|
``It was,'' I mused, ``an easy mistake to make.''
|
|
|
|
The blue eye fixed me with burning contempt.
|
|
|
|
``It was not,'' the boy replied. ``And so mistake is either too feeble a
|
|
word, or entirely mistaken.''
|
|
|
|
``I was speaking,'' I replied, ``of the mistake I made. I came in here,
|
|
you see, expecting you to be one of Hanno's.''
|
|
|
|
\emph{The Saint of Swords come again}, my mind whispered.
|
|
\emph{Necessity that bleeds the grip, the hard deed that keeps the night
|
|
at bay.} The bottom of my staff whispered against the stone as I limped
|
|
forward and the young Named tensed, though truth be told he'd be too
|
|
exhausted to put up a fight if taking his life was my intent. Instead,
|
|
leaning against the yew I knelt in front of him -- and, miracles of
|
|
miracles, the pain in my leg was barely a whisper. Meeting the
|
|
mismatched gaze, the clouded eye and burning blue, I reached out and
|
|
gently tipped up his chin.
|
|
|
|
``My mistake,'' I quietly repeated. ``No, from the beginning you were
|
|
one of mine.''
|
|
|
|
The gentleness, I thought, was what unmade him. A shiver went through
|
|
his frame, turning into a tortured convulsion and only then a ragged sob
|
|
tore its way out of his throat.
|
|
|
|
``I'm a monster,'' the boy wept. ``Gods forgive, oh Gods forgive me.''
|
|
|
|
My hand went down to his shoulder, comforting.
|
|
|
|
``Of course you are,'' I gently said. ``That's what makes you one of
|
|
mine. We're the wicked ones, you see.''
|
|
|
|
``I don't want to be wicked,'' he rasped. ``I just- I just
|
|
couldn't\ldots{}''
|
|
|
|
``We never can,'' I softly told him. ``That's how we end up wicked, I
|
|
think. Because we can't stand to be good, if it also means we must
|
|
\emph{let it go}.''
|
|
|
|
``I didn't want to kill them,'' the boy whispered, ``but what else could
|
|
I do? If I'd had the Light, the real one, I could have healed them.
|
|
Helped them. Instead\ldots{}''
|
|
|
|
I drew back my hand and leaned on the yew I'd received in the depths of
|
|
Liesse, born anew under twilit sky. I rose, the light behind me drawing
|
|
the eye to the snaking crimson blood of the dead priest on painted
|
|
stone. \emph{You are a child}, I thought.
|
|
|
|
``That is not the gift you were given,'' I said.
|
|
|
|
``My gift is death,'' he spat.
|
|
|
|
``Aye,'' I said. ``So it is. Either accept that truth or die under the
|
|
weight of your utter inconsequence.''
|
|
|
|
The boy-Named flinched. He had, perhaps, expected comfort. Maybe a
|
|
better woman would have offered it.
|
|
|
|
``The corpses smouldering outside were good, as much as most people are
|
|
ever good,'' I said. ``What do you think sets you apart from them?''
|
|
|
|
``Death,'' he said.
|
|
|
|
``Will,'' I corrected. ``The belief, deep down, that you know what is
|
|
right and you'll see it done.''
|
|
|
|
He hesitated.
|
|
|
|
``It is the mark of Named,'' I said. ``And why, even now, some part of
|
|
you wonders -- wasn't I \emph{right}? Didn't it \emph{need} to be
|
|
done?''
|
|
|
|
``Did it?'' the boy asked, prayed, pleaded.
|
|
|
|
\emph{You are a child}, I thought once more, almost ashamed.
|
|
|
|
``What's your Name?'' I asked.
|
|
|
|
``I am Tan- no, that is not the sort of name you meant at all, is it?''
|
|
the boy whispered.
|
|
|
|
His fingers clenched.
|
|
|
|
``I am the Scorched Apostate,'' the boy said.
|
|
|
|
I nodded in approval.
|
|
|
|
``Come along, then,'' I said. ``You have much to learn, and this war
|
|
won't fight itself.''
|
|
|
|
I did not wait for an answer, simply turning around and limping away
|
|
without once looking back. One, two, three heartbeats: the Scorched
|
|
Apostate dragged himself up to his feet and followed behind me,
|
|
quickening his steps to catch up. \emph{You are a child}, I thought once
|
|
more. \emph{But we're in the pit, now, and if Keter is to fall then this
|
|
is the least of the horrors I'll need to stomach.}
|
|
|
|
We left the House of Light to its dead priest.
|
|
|
|
Neither of us looked back.
|